Looser !

Today is the day. I had a Petanque competition  :( . . and lucky not on my side. disappointed so much. frustt + sad. I've wasted my time every evening stayback at school for almost a three week. The stupid things I've do today is crying in front of them.  Truly , I don't have a mood today. I really mean it. double frust actually. At first , I hate it when 'she' comes to my house and all I see is she's massage with him. I'm fool . dumb. stupid. why I'm still got jealous ? there is for nothing ! I don't know when I'll forget about him. Oh God. please. I'm begging you, help me delete all the memory that lingering in my head. I can't stand it. I don't want to see her. I don't want her to come to my house ,  and I don't want to talk to her although for a word. I can't . I really can't . I've patience with this situation for almost a year . My heart hurt so much. But I don't know what I have to do. I can't tell her the truth. I can't tell her what I feel now. I'm worried , she's can't understand me.

erm I'll have an examination on tuesday. I'm worried. I can't focus on my study now. thanks a lot to 'both of them' :(((((